Comedy Work Ethics

Leighann Lord, a comedian I've mentioned here before, who I just adore, on reading my blog recently commented to me that I had a good work ethic. In addition to this being a delightful compliment from someone I greatly respect, it got me thinking. What exactly are my work ethics as comic?

Since long before I thought about doing comedy myself, for years, I have enjoyed stand-up at the clubs here in New York City. Now that I'm a comic, these places have changed for me. They're no longer just places of entertainment for me, they are my workplace. Don't get me wrong. They're a workplace I cherish! But they're my workplace just the same.

So here are my rules for myself. As with all sets of ideals, they are lofty. I am certain I will not live up to them all the time. But I will strive to abide by these as best as I'm able.

MY COMEDY WORK ETHICS

1. I will maintain a professional image and demeanor at all times.
   
2. I will not step foot in a comedy club, whether I'm booked or not, without being dressed to perform.
3. I will dress to perform, as recommended by my second coach Jim Mendrinos, "a little better than you dress for a date." This dress code is part of a larger ethic.
   
4. The audience has come for "a show". Dressing well is part of showing my appreciation to the audience for coming to see me in person, instead of staying home and watching Comedy Central.
   
5. Regardless of the size of the audience or the status of the venue, I will give my all. I will perform to the best of my ability, with the best energy I have to give.
   
6. I will seek to bring the best and strongest aspects of my personality on stage.
   
7. I also feel an obligation to the club management to deliver. Yes, I will try new material. But I will also ensure I deliver the laughs. That means being aware of what's happening in the room before I go on, during the show. It means being aware of the composition and attitude of the audience. It means responding to how they are reacting to material. It means adapting as best as I'm able to the situation and using every means at my disposal to deliver the laughs.
8. I will be prepared. New material will have been written down, edited and rehearsed before it is performed the first time.
   
9. I will be prepared. I will have a written set list before I go on stage, every time. I will do my best to commit my set list to memory. I will not refer to my set list nor will I use notes on stage unless unusual circumstances make it absolutely necessary.
10. Benjamin Franklin said, "Let thy discontents be thy secrets." I will keep petty complaints to myself. I will be appreciative to management for the opportunity to perform, courteous to the staff, and respectful of the venue and other the acts.
11. I will make an effort to learn people's names.
    
12. I will seek the advice and opinions of those with experience. I will be open to constructive criticism. I will listen to notes and feedback with an open mind, without interrupting, offering excuses or making objections. After receiving notes I will write them down. I reflect and consider their merits after leaving the club.
13. I will be confident.
    
14. I will be humble. (Confidence and humility are not incompatible. True confidence is quiet, understated. True confidence knows its own strengths and weaknesses and through humility is open to improvements. Arrogance leaves no room for either humility or improvement. Arrogance is actually insecurity pretending to be confidence.)
    
15. And not to be forgotten, I have obligations to myself. In my act, I will talk about things about which I care, matters of consequence. If I fulfill the obligation I have to the audience to deliver the laughs I earn the right to have an agenda. I may be political. I may tell stories. I'm entitled to do whatever I want, as long as I deliver "the show" as my first priority.
    
16. I will try something new at every performance. I will learn something new at every performance. "Something new" may mean new material. Or it may simply be a new attitude, a new emotion, a new vocal inflection, or even something as small as new body language. But no matter how small, I will seek to move forward artistically with every show.
    
17. I will trust my own judgment and instincts.
    
18. I will remember the reasons why I became a comic and let that passion drive me.
    
19. I will remember that while I am on stage, the goal of comedy is not fame, glamour or money, but to bring some laughter into the lives of my audience. And when I am successful at that goal, I will share in their pleasure.
    
20. I will cut myself some slack. I will forgive myself my failures. I will allow myself to be ... in a word ... human.
    
21. And last, but first in importance, and necessary to fulfill everything above, I will enjoy myself.

Good grief! 21! This list turned out to be so much longer than I expected. I could spend my whole life trying to live up to these. I guess I'll get started.

No doubt these will change over time. But they strike me as plenty for now.

My head is going to explode!

Check out this Daily Show segment on the gay-ification of NASCAR.

(Click the little "mute" button on the annoying ad if it plays at the same time.)

Video Link

If the video link doesn't work for you, go here and then click:

Videos -> Most Recent -> Gays of Thunder

Laugh Lounge Audition Report

Last night was my audition show at the Laugh Lounge. It was definitely a long shot audition. Laugh Lounge doesn't have as many shows. So they don't have as many spots. And it's very competitive.

I know a number of comics who have gone for this audition and none have been passed. So I didn't really expect to pass myself. But it's was a chance to be seen by management, to get on their radar and to get industry feedback. So I was determined to put my best stuff forward, to give it my all and to enjoy myself.

I've made some major changes to my industry audition set since my Stand-Up NY audition a month ago. I took out the royal wedding joke. It's a good joke. But it has become dated and it's not about me. So it really shouldn't be in an audition set. I always knew this. I just didn't have anything better to use instead. Now I do.

I had planned for a while to replace the royal wedding joke with the 80s jokes. But lessons I've learned from blogging about that bit changed my mind.

One of the notes I got a month ago was "too much Mormon" and "too regional," meaning mainstream audiences don't get some of the references. I agreed with this completely.

So I took out some of the longer and more obscure ex-Mormon jokes. This made room for two totally new bits that have been doing really well, "People and Their Passwords" and "Gay is Trendy".

These changes have brought balance to the set. I have always wanted to feature three themes in my comedy: gay, technology and ex-Mormon. These are, after all, things that define me and make me unique. They are what make me stand out from the crowd.

The audience was small, 10 people with modest energy. My set went pretty well. But I felt my performance was a notch down from my Stand-Up NY audition last month.

I was getting good laughs. But rather than having a conversation with the audience (which is what most modern comics strive for) it had a bit of the feeling of me talking and them watching. They were enjoying watching. And I was enjoying talking. I didn't quite establish as much of a connection as I've had with other audiences. It just didn't quite feel ... hmmmm ... personal, perhaps.

I attribute this to two things. Because about half of the set was new material, I was in my head a bit. Not a lot, but a bit. And second, it is oh, so difficult to establish this connection with the audience in only five minutes. I find that even just a seven minute set is substantially easier than five minutes. But the mark of a good comic is that he can establish a connection immediately, no matter the length of the set. This is something I've known for a few months and have been striving to achieve.

The books I've read and coaches I've had all recommend a strong opening joke that can get a strong laugh quickly. The audience is always worried that a comic might suck. Showing them that you don't suck allows them relax. Which, in turn, allows the comic to relax. This is one of the keys to beginning to establish this connection. And so the opening joke is actually more for the comic than for the audience.

I did not pass the audition. But like I wrote, I didn't expect to. I actually consider last night to have been a smashing success. I was using it as a dress rehearsal for my next Stand-Up NY audition in a month. Stand-Up NY has more shows and more spots to offer. So I've got a better chance there.

After the show I met with the owner, Delilah, for feedback. I found her to be very pleasant and extremely helpful. I felt we had an excellent rapport. She had so many positive things to say that I feel like a bit of a braggart publishing them all here. But I've worked hard and I've earned this praise.

I'm blessed with a good memory for words. So here are the highlights, as best as I can remember.

---

DELILAH'S NOTES

You're a good writer. You understand the setup and the punch. Some comics' writing never gets as good as yours.

You clearly have a brain in your head. Your comedy is intellectual. That's an advantage and you should continue to use it.

You know what you want to talk about. You have good themes. It's very good that you have thought about what themes you want to use and the balance between them. You've had this particular upbringing, gay in a religious environment. And you've decided to use it which makes you different.

You're confident in your sexuality. And I don't mean gay.

Lots of comics don't know who they are ... straight comics. They're not confident in their sexuality. I see them and wonder, are you the good girl or the slut? Are you a man's man? Who are you?

You clearly know who you are in life. And you have to know who you are in life before you can know who you want to be on stage.

Your performance needs to catch up to your writing. Hanging out up here at the bar, I've seen you show more personality than you showed on stage. You were a bit timid on stage.

I'd like to see you be more biting and perhaps more flamboyant. I'd like to see you use your intellect more. You've got it. Use it. Think, "larger than life."

But, no one can tell you who you should be on stage. That has to come from you.

You're still figuring out who you want to be on stage. This will come naturally over time.

The computer jokes are good but maybe went on a little long. Choose the strongest ones and cut it down.

(And I've saved the best for last ....)

[once you've grown some more] I'd put you in a gay show. But I'm looking for black comics who can play a white room. I'm looking for gay comics who can play a straight room. I want to have a good mix of different comics.

I think you could have crossover appeal.

---

!!! WOW !!!

That last comment has me doing little victory dances! I'm delighted! I'm ecstatic! It is absolutely what I want and the goal I've been striving toward.

I do gay shows occasionally. Hey! I love the gays! But 95% of the rooms I play are 90% straight. I write to a straight audience.

When I started this, I said I wanted to talk to straight people about their sexuality from a gay point of view. I said I wanted to show them that we're all pretty much the same. Lust is lust. Selfishness is selfishness. Love is love. And ex-lovers all say the same stupid stuff.

Now I'm mostly still working on writing about myself, telling my story. But I've started writing material toward this goal of making the audience relate to my sexuality, even though I'm gay and they're mostly not. The "Gay is Trendy" is a bit about that.

As with my Stand-Up NY audition, the feedback was overwhelmingly positive and encouraging. And the constructive criticism was very helpful and not particularly surprising.

Delilah said she'd see me again in 6 months ... which is industry code for "we like you, kid, but you're not there yet."

Regardless, this experience has been energizing. I reaffirms that I'm on the right track. I know what I'm doing. I know where I'm going.

Man oh man do I love this!

Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!

Booze-a-licious!

This photo's for you Paola.

I'm drinking at a trendy place on the lower East side and discussing art. Everyone here looks sooooooo sexy yet disaffected. I feel like such a hipster.

What are you doing with the rest of your life?

I was asked this recently and it struck me as being a rather good question.

"What am I doing with the rest of my life?"

It turned out the question was just a prelude to a cheesy pick up line. But that aside, I liked it anyway.

It's far better than that other question I'm asked with disturbing frequency, "Why are you single?" This question has always baffled me. It seems to seek to discover what invisible defect is the barrier to romance. I never know how to answer.

"I have hammer toes."
"I talk in my sleep."
"I eat my lovers."

What do you expect me to say?

Finally I've settled on this answer to the second question, "Why are you single?"

"I'm picky."

As for what I'm doing with the rest of my life ....

1. I'm going to eat some very good food.
2. I'm going to drink some very good wine.
3. I'm going to create some meaningful art.
4. And I'm going to make love to some beautiful men.

So ...

"What are you doing with the rest of your life?"

80s Jokes - Part 4

(If you're just joining this series already in progress, please use the links at the right to jump to the intro.)

There were about 30 people in the crowd Saturday night at Joe Franklin Comedy Club, which is great turn out for that club. They were a real challenge. I've gotten more laughs in that room from a crowd half the size. And boy oh boy did I learn a lot.

80s Jokes -- Version 4.0 -- Transcript

As you can tell by my hair the 80s are back. {N}

Which is a big relief for me because I've been listening to the same Duran Duran and Pet Shop Boys albums for 20 years. But now that it's come back 'round. I'm cool again. The New York Times said so. {N}

I love pop music. Vapid Boys Bands, Boobalicious Britney, Christina Skank-u-lara. {N} Whatever her name is.

I like my pop stars thin, gorgeous and without a single thought in their pretty little heads. {C}

As far as I'm concerned, the most brilliant song lyrics ever written, Samantha Fox, Naughty Girls Need Love Too. {N}

So when grunge and rap took over 15 years ago, boy was I pissed off. This was me during the 90s....

[fingers in ears, eyes clenched shut ... chanting loudly like a kid who doesn't want to listen]

"LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! [singing] I know what boys like. I know what boys want." {N}

RUNNING TIME -- 0:55

Notes

I'm not posting the sound file because, well, there are no laughs on it. As you can see from the transcript, the bit got only one small chuckle. By the end of the act out, I felt like I'd walked the plank. So I ran as fast as my little comedy feet would carry me back to proven material, which started getting the laughs.

So what happened?

The crowd was one of the youngest I've ever played. Table after table was full of 18-22 year old kids. And the kids don't go for the 80s jokes, at least not these kids. Which isn't surprising. Just looking at them I could tell they all listen to rap and hip hop ... Puff Daddy, or P Diddy, whatever ... M&M and Biggie Smallie. Even though I don't think the bit requires a love or even knowledge of 80s culture, they simply didn't relate to it.

Connecting to very young audiences is much harder because they don't have as much life experience and therefore don't relate to as much. They know music, getting drunk and trying to get laid ... and for a lot of them, that's it. And they have very short attention spans.

The previous audiences for these jokes were more late 20-somethings and 30-somethings. I think they're the right people for this bit.

I conceived this as an intro bit ... something light that's about me ... that I can do before the heavier stuff about my childhood. While I think the bit is good, I'm starting to think it may not be strong enough to be an intro bit.

An intro bit must work reliably with all audiences. This bit seems to be more of a niche bit.

The good news is that all three of my other new bits killed with the young audience. One even got an applause break, one of the only ones of the whole nite. They especially loved all my computer jokes. The kids always do. And my new Gay is Trendy bit did very well with them. Because it connects to their current pop culture. So it actually turned out to be a great set.

Conclusions

Leighann Lord (www.veryfunnylady.com) headlined the show Saturday. She's a brilliant lady who just oozes class. We were talking shop after the show and she said of our somewhat stingy audience, "They were facing the stage and they were paying attention. I can work with that." What a perfect attitude!

I've seen comics on stage who are doing badly start bitching at the audience. They then wonder why they bomb.

It's easy when they're drunk and boisterous. It's harder when they're subdued and skeptical. Saturday was a challenging show. Several comics did very badly. But I made it work, as Leighann did after me. And for that I'm pretty proud of myself.

These 80s jokes are cute. They aren't devastating brilliant. But they're effective with certain audiences. They should probably go later in a set, not at the beginning.

I have a certain fondness for these jokes. But being fond of one's own material is a deadly trap. This writing excercise is really helping me be much more objective about these jokes.

I will try this block again when the crowd seems right.

Bonus Lesson

Another thing happened that was a nice bit of progress for me.

Because my stage time is so precious, I tend to rehearse and plan quite a lot. If I'm rambling and unfocused, I can do maybe 4-5 bits. If I'm focused and tight, I can do 7-8 bits.

So I did my set, exactly as I planned, and then something happened for which I wasn't prepared. I didn't get the light (the signal that time's up) and I fell off the end of my set. When this has happened in the past, I've had a tendency to panic and just leap off stage.

"Uhhhhh ... thank you, goodnight!"

But I looked at the producer, she was paying attention and smiling, I kept checking and she wasn't signaling. So I kept going.

I started doing old bits I had taken out to make room for the new bits. After each one I checked again, still no signal. So I'd do another. The transitions were a tad rough for my own standards. But that's minor. The audience didn't notice or care. And I had a few too many um's and ah's while I quickly decided what to do next. Again, minor. They didn't care. And because they were proven old bits I was doing, they were working nicely.

So by keeping my cool I got to do three extra bits and had a great 10 minute set.

I don't know if the producer left me up longer by accident. Or because I was doing well on kind of a tricky night so she wanted to give the audience a few more minutes with me. But it doesn't matter. What matters is I am learning to be aware of what's happening and adapt rapidly on stage.

I can feel the pace at which I'm learning accelerating. All these little light bulbs are starting to click on in my mind. Books I've read and advice I've received are coming into focus in new and exciting ways.

For example, I've long known that the order of bits matters. And that certain subjects do and don't work with certain audiences. But until recently this has been an abstract concept. I'm starting to learn how these concepts apply directly to me, my audiences and my bits.

It's thrilling.

But it's also a little frustrating. I need stage time. The faster I can get it, the faster I'll learn.

Most importantly, I'm starting to get a certain confidence in what I'm doing. I'm starting to feel like I have some control over what happens when I'm on stage and that I can reliably deliver the laughs.

Like I said ... it's thrilling.

Sacred Underwear Gets a Web Site

My creative partner, Kelli Dunham, and I have launched the site for our work in progress.

Eventually it will move to it's own site. But until then, it will live here:

Sacred Underwear: Nuns and Mormons Revealed!
http://www.dalesorenson.com/comedy/sacred_underwear/

As this project continues to take shape I am becoming more and more excited about. I'm convinced our little dream is gonna go far.

80s Jokes - Part 3

(If you're just joining this series already in progress, please use the links at the right to jump to the intro.)

OK. At long last I'm going to do what should have been done at the start.

80s Jokes -- Version 3.0 -- Written Script

As you can tell by my hair the 80s are back.

Which is a big relief for me because I've been listening to the same Duran Duran and Pet Shop Boys albums for 20 years. But now that it's come back 'round. I'm cool again. The New York Times said so.

I love pop music. Vapid Boys Bands, Britney Boobalicious, Christina Skank-u-lara.

I like my pop stars thin, gorgeous and without a single thought in their pretty little heads.

So when grunge and rap took over 15 years ago, boy was I pissed off. This was me during the 90s....

[fingers in ears, eyes clenched shut ... chanting loudly like a kid who doesn't want to listen]

"LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! [singing] I know what boys like. I know what boys want."

RUNNING TIME -- 0:40

Notes & Conclusions

After 15 minutes of writing it's 40% shorter and 300% better.

It's got a cute intro, The proven New York Times joke, the celebrity name thing, which I think will do better now that it stands on its own, a rewrite on the "vapid" concept, and the proven finish. All the fluff and useless tags are gone.

See, Dale? Writing is a good thing.

The next performance for this bit will be tomorrow night back at Joe Franklin Comedy Club for a "real" audience.

80s Jokes - Part 2

Still not having written it down, but having rehearsed it a fair amount, I did the 80s bit for the second time. Here's the recording.

DaleSorenson_80s_Jokes2.mp3

80s Jokes -- Version 2.0 -- Transcript
Performance at Stand-Up NY Open Mic

As you can tell by my hair the 80s are back. {N}

Which is a big relief for me because I've been listening to the same Cyndi Lauper and Pet Shop Boys albums for 20 years. {N} But now it's come 'round again. I'm cool. The New York Times said so. {B}

Must be true if The New York Times said so. {N}

I'm 36-year-old. I don't care who knows. I love pop music. Boy bands, Britney Boobalicious {N}, Christina Skank-u-lara {N} ... whatever her name is ... bring 'em on. I love it. I love my pop stars pretty and my pop music vapid. {N}

Because when I'm in the mood to dance the last thing I want is a lecture from some politically-correct millionaire about how I'm personally responsible for destroying the environment and slaughtering baby seals. {N}

So the 90s came along and rap music, R&B took over the radio stations, MTV. I was so pissed off. This was me during the 90s ... [fingers in ears, eyes clenched shut, face in a grimace ... chanting loudly like a kid who doesn't want to listen] "LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! [singing] I know what boys like. I know what boys want. {B}

RUNNING TIME -- 1:00

Notes

In making this second transcript here's what I've noticed.

Once again, I thought it went well. And once again I'm wrong, for different reasons.

There are laughs in this bit. But except for the last one, not a single one of them is where I seem to think they should be. Notice how the bold punchlines are consistently followed by {N} no audience reaction. And that the laughs that are there {B} are consistently not after punchlines.

This points even more to the need for the bit to be written down and edited. Which I'm going to do next.

One happy little accident, rearranging some of the opening lines produced a laugh I wasn't expecting, "I'm cool. The New York Times said so." So I'm definitely keeping that.

Because this was an open mic, the audience was mostly other comics. This is bad. It is bad because comics don't laugh at the same things "real" audiences laugh at. As a result, a comic gets a distorted view of his material at an open mic.

Comics like two things, sleazy and clever. They don't like cute. The joke about my hair and the two singers names I play with are definitely cute jokes. So they got nothing from the comics. But I believe a real audience will like these. I'll confirm this the next time I do this bit.

Conclusion

The bit is starting to work, in spite of me doing everything I can to screw it up.

I'm going to edit it based on where it's actually getting laughs and where I think there is still potential.

80s Jokes - Part 1

Introduction

I conceived this bit while riding the subway to a gig. I'd had a bad day and was listening to Backstreet Boys to put me in a good mood. (No, I'm not kidding.) And I started thinking about how I love pop music, 80s pop in particular.

Below is a transcript of how I did the bit the first time, before I'd committed anything to paper. Things that are meant to be punchlines are bold. The audience tells me if they actually are punchlines or not. Often with a first draft, I write things that I think are jokes and they turn out not to be. Occasionally the audience will tell me that something I didn't know was a joke, something I've written that I thought was merely setup or a segue, is actually funny in its own right. It doesn't happen often. But it's always a delight when it does, because I feel like these "accidental" jokes are free.

Audience reactions are rated in {braces}.

{A} Big laugh
{B} Modest laugh
{C} Small chuckles
{N} No laughs

Here's the recording. Right click to save the file to your drive. Mac users hold down the Control key and click to save.

DaleSorenson_80s_Jokes1.mp3

80s Jokes -- Version 1.0 -- Concept Transcript
Performance at Joe Franklin Comedy Club

So it's official now, the New York Times said it, so it must be true, the 80s are back.

Oh my God, I'm so excited, I nearly wet myself. {C}

I've been listening to the same Pet Shop Boys and Duran Duran albums for 20 years so now it come back around and I'm cool again. {N}

Which is so awesome because I love pop music. Boy bands, Britney Boobalicious {C}, Christina Skank-u-lara {C} ... whatever her name is ... bring it on. All of them. I like my pop stars pretty and my pop music vapid. {N}

Because when I'm in the mood to have fun the last thing I want is a lecture from some millionaire about how I'm personally responsible for clubbing baby seals and ruining the environment. {C} I wanna have some fun.

And the 90s came along and what'd we get? We got grunge and rap. This was me during the nineties ... [fingers in ears, eyes clenched shut, face in a grimace ... chanting loudly like a kid who doesn't want to listen] "LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! {C} [singing] I know what boys like. I know what boys want. {B}

So it's all come back around. Samantha Fox is back in. "Naughty Girls Need Love Too". {N}

RUNNING TIME -- 1:20

Notes

In making this transcript I'm struck by several things. After the performance, I actually thought this was a pretty good bit. I was wrong, wrong, wrong. It was, in fact, terrible. I'm actually embarrassed by how bad this is. So much so that I'm having second thoughts about publishing it here because I don't want anyone to see how utterly wretched this is. I can't believe I actually said on stage "Oh my God, I'm so excited, I nearly wet myself." Cringe! Groan!

The only reason I'm not pulling the plug on this, is that as I write this, I've already done this bit a second time and I know the story gets better. Now it's not that I'm being a self-flagelating sniveling performing artist here. ("I suck! It's terrible! I'm a hack! Please validate me.") This bit is a good concept. But the execution was wreched this first time.

Second, I wrote "Britney Boobalicious" and "Christina Skank-u-lara" to be funny, but then didn't treat them as jokes. I stepped on my laughs. (That's comic speak for talking over the audience laughing instead of pausing to let them laugh.) I treated them as setup for "Pretty and Vapid," which didn't get a laugh. And by stepping on my laughs I cut what could have been "B" laughs down to "C" laughs. You can hear it in the recording. Timing is everything.

I got nothing on the environment joke. Not sure what's wrong there. Perhaps it's just not funny. I'll give it another chance with another audience.

I like the reference to the Samantha Fox song title. But it didn't get a laugh. If I want to keep this reference, I'll have to rework it.

Finally, like virtually all of my bits when they're first written, it's rambling and unfocused. It goes on too long and I'm trying to get too many laughs from the concept so that by the time I'm done, the well has run dry.

Conclusions

All of the problems with this bit have one very simple solution.

It needs to be written down.

I often don't write a bit down until I've tried it to see if it gets laughs. Because I think to myself, "writing is a lot of work. I don't want to invest the time to write if it turns out the bit isn't worth it."

This is lazy. But more importantly, it is absolutely dead wrong.

Writing down a 1 minute bit isn't that much work. And I can't possibly hope to discover whether a bit has potential until I've refined it.

Not writing and just peforming off the top of my head is a bad, bad habit.

It stops now.

Part of the reason for this blog is to get me in the habit of writing often and to make it natural for me. It's already working. Just look at what I've learned here.

I am, by nature, chatty and opinionated. When it comes to ideas and writing, these traits serve me well. But once I've got a long rambling idea, the editor needs to take over. The editor needs to shorten it, refine it and set it free from the extra words that bog it down.

Davinci once said that the statue is already there inside the block of stone and all he needed to do is chip away the extra bits to set it free. The same applies to comedy. The bit is there, inside all the rambling. And it's dying to be set free.

From bad beginnings, good things can still grow.

Stay tuned....

80s Jokes - Intro

Since I said this blog would be a creative diary, I thought I'd actually document something creative here. I've written a new bit about how much I love 80s music. As I work this bit out in the coming weeks, I plan to post the evolution of the script here, including comments on audience reaction. Hopefully you'll find this interesting. And hopefully I'll have some new insights from this exercise. Your comments are welcome.

Dale Meets His Match

It's been years, but I'm back on the tube. Having already had my 15 minutes of fame in my days as a politician, I'm sure I'm tempting fate and risking angering the Gods.

Three years ago, my friend Carson and I started a board game club called Board Stiff.

We were thrilled to be featured recently on The Brini Maxwell Show.

I had a lot of fun at the shoot. I had a cute, goofy little idea for a closing joke for the segment which the producer loved. We shot it and they ended up using it in the show. So watch for the little gag with the play money at the end. Oh, and don't miss the outtake in the last 5 seconds.

Here are the video clips....

Dale Sorenson on The Brini Maxwell Show

Dale Finally Cracks

After hours of fierce battles, the competitors finally crack. Hoping to forge some sort of peace between them, Dale makes a pass at Andy in a vain attempt to not have his empire destroyed. But alas, Dale finally learns that putting out won't get him anything in return.

-- Entry by Ron Fenolio

Macedonian Assault

Ron executes his devastating European invasion ... of a bratwurst hut. Noooo! Not the sausages! Oh, the humanity!

Conquest 'Till Your Eyes Bleed

I'm playing 7 Ages with friends this weekend ... all weekend. Here, Andy (L) and Tedd (R) consider their next brilliant moves. Get 'em, boys!

What's wrong with this picture?

OK, so maybe the spell checker on Blogger.com doesn't recognize "nerd," "sodomites" or the F-bomb. Fine. And, like all spell checkers, it wants to change my name "Dale Sorenson" to "Dale Sourness." Fine. But when the spell checker on Blogger.com doesn't recognize the words "blog," blogs" and "blogger" ... well ... do I even need to make a joke?

Why Engineers Shouldn't Write Recipes

Check out this chocolate chip cookie recipe.

Ah ... nerds. I do love them so.

A Show Is Born!

Sacred Underwear: Nuns and Mormons Revealed!
World Premier / Staged Reading
Friday, August 12th, 7:30 - 10:30 p.m. - $5
Q Nite @ Cafe Ole, 126 S. Warren Street, Trenton, NJ (map)

Comedians Dale Sorenson and Kelli Dunham have exceptionally shady pasts. Dunham started her adult life in a convent. And Sorenson grew up in the Mormon Church. In this world debut, staged reading of their one dyke, one fag show, the ex-Mormon and former Sister Mercy tell all!

All your burning questions will be answered ...

• What goes on in those convents and temples?
• Do nuns really wear canvas bras?
• What's up with those wacky Mormon undergarments?
• Is nun-on-nun action as hot as they say?
• What happens if Mormons drink caffeine?
• Or if nuns play basketball?

And, most importantly, what were such nice queers doing in places like that?

Discussion and Q&A with the artists will follow the performance.

About Kelli Dunham
www.kellidunham.com

Kelli Dunham is your typical skateboard-riding, houseboat-dwelling, utililkilt-wearing, ex-nun dyke stand up comic. You may have seen her performing on the main stage at Long Beach (California) Pride, emceeing Ladyfest South or Capital Rainbowfest, doing stand-up while standing up on a ladder at the LGBT Business Expo in New York, or caught her on Showtime Network's Penn and Teller Bullshit. She recently released her debut comedy CD, somewhat defensively titled "I am NOT a 12 Year Old Boy."

About Dale Sorenson
www.dalesorenson.com/comedy

When not wearing his thumbs down to little nubs playing video games or crawling though dark bars in search of drunken Swedish ballet dancers, Dale Sorenson plays the New York City Stand-Up Comedy Scene like a seasoned Bus Station Hustler. He's appeared on MTV, Showtime and The Style Network and at top clubs including Caroline's on Broadway, Stand-Up New York, Gotham Comedy and Comedy Cellar. He was recently featured in both the Gay & Lesbian Business Expo Comedy Showcase and the American Family Council's Most-Notorious Sodomites Gala Dinner. He received great accolades at the former and several discrete, yet disturbingly-vivid propositions from Republican Senators at the latter.

NYU Grads Need Food, Badly!

Ron & Claudia at Rice, waiting for their dinner, crashing from low blood sugar. Poor skinny little things!

Missing Lesbians

I miss lesbians.

The irony of the diversity of NYC, is that the city is so large that each demographic group has the luxury of having its own ghetto, its own neighborhood. Many people in NYC don't mingle outside their own kind. So even if you want to meet people who are different from you, it's difficult.

I had a much greater diversity of friends in Utah, one of the most homogenous states in the country, than I do in NYC. Oh the irony!

And more than any people, in my 10 years in NYC, I have really missed lesbians.

Kelli Dunham recently posted in her blog about me, "It makes me quite pleased that-- thanks to performing--I finally have gay male friends again. I had a bunch in Miami, but they all died and then I never replaced them. You know how it is."

I was quite touched by this ... and, of course, a bit saddened. (Thanks, Kelli, love you too!) And it made me realize why Kelli and I have bonded so quickly.

At the moment Kelli and I met, she missed gay men and I missed lesbians. Add to that, how much we have in common as comics and political queers, and it's a match made in heaven.

I'm so privileged to have Kelli Dunham as my friend and creative partner. We're going to do amazing things together.

More about our project very, very soon.

I See You Out There!

Since there actually seem to be people reading this (egad!), I decided to keep track of you all.

After a little research I decided to use:

StatCounter.com

It's free, it took me all of 5 minutes to set up, it's invisible, it doesn't put hideous ads on my site and it offers full-featured stats, not just an ugly counter.

If you run a blog or any other site without a stats feature and want to know something about your traffic, check it out.

New Comedy Video

I posted my latest comedy demo video today.

http://www.dalesorenson.com/comedy/recordings/

It's my performance from my recent, Round 1 Audition at Stand-Up NY. (Thanks again to everyone who came out to support me.) The club management gave me some very positive feedback and also some useful critiques. While there are definitely things I plan to change and improve about this, my industry audition set, I'm very proud of it. It's my best material and best performance to date.

The best validation I got from the feedback after the audition wasn't the nice things they said about what they liked (and they did like quite a bit), but that the constructive criticism they had was all stuff I expected and agreed with. That means that my instincts about what I'm doing are right and that I'm on the right track. That's huge. And it's far more important to me than specific comments about liking specific jokes.

Based on this performance, the management wants to see me again in a few months. Stay tuned ....

Holy Shit! You're Reading This!

People are actually reading this! And not just my Mom. My sister too!

It's almost like there are these people in the world who, somehow, I don't know, maybe ... share my blood or something? ... I know that sounds freaky ... and therefore are interested in what I write. I wonder how this weird, almost biological connection came to be. I'll have to research this strange psychic phenomenon.

I went to an open-mic tonite (more in a moment), had dinner with my good buddy Murray came home and there were 11 comments and messages waiting.

Thanks for the comments, everyone. And I'm glad to hear that so many of you are making backups.

So since I said this would be a creative journal, here are some thoughts about tonite's show.

I morn the death of the Tuesday Motel at the Village Lantern. Even though I haven't been there in a while, Matt O'Brien ran such a great, friendly, supportive room that when it closed recently I was quite sad. I cut my teeth on open-mics there.

So having some regular gigs and some polished material these days, I haven't done an open-mic in a while. To be honest, I'd gotten kinda sick of them.

Murray said he wanted to see me perform and he was only in town tonite. So, not having a gig tonite, it had to be an open-mic. Danielle, the lovely woman who runs the Stand-Up NY open-mic, had invited me to do her room, so I decided to give it a try.

Doing this show tonite reminded me of the things I actually like about open mics.

At a regular show, I feel I owe the club and the audience, a certain minimum performance. Sure, I can be spontaneous and I can try new stuff. I do at every show. But the bulk of my set at a regular gig is going to be proven material.

At an open mic, I don't owe anyone anything. So I can do whatever I want. I had three new bits, about 6 minutes of all new material, I've really been wanting to try out. It would have taken me three shows to try out these three bits. But at the open mic, I was able to find out what works and what doesn't very quickly. I came away with a very useful recording (I record everything) and ideas about how I'm going to edit this raw material.

My coaches Dan, Jim, Frank (love you guys) have all taught me to learn something from every performance.

So here's tonite's lesson. In addition to learning some specific things about this specific material, I am reminded that it is occasionally a good thing for a comic to drop into an open mic every now and then, even when he doesn't have to.

Your Two Cents

I'm just dyin' to know what you think. Click the little "comments" link after any of my blog entries and you can add your thoughts.

If you don't want to register for a blogger.com account to make a comment, just click the "Anonymous" button. Of course, you can still sign your name to your comment if you'd like.

Do it!

Drag Names

You know that old thing you've heard to do to figure out what your drag name is? You know, your first pet's name plus the name of the street you grew up on. Mine would be ...

Ginger Thompson

Not bad. But not great either. Another of my blind drunk in a bar at 3 AM strokes of genius some years ago was a drag name for me that fits perfectly. Now mind you, I'm not really inclined to do drag. But if I did, I'd be ...

Devastating Minutiae

It's rather me. No?

Disaster or Minor Hassle ... Choose

Being a computer consultant is like being a dentist. He tells you to brush and floss and take care of your teeth, and then makes a fortune when you don't listen.

As a computer consultant I advise clients and friends to make backups, and then I make a bundle of money when their hard drives fail and they didn't listen.

So here some free advice that, unlike most free advice, is worth something.

You! Yes, You! The person reading this right now. Your hard drive, the very hard drive on the very computer you are using to read this right now ... is absolutely, positively, 100% going to fail and crash and die, dead, dead, dead.

I amazes me how many people can't wrap their brains around this simple concept.

"Oh my God! Why did it fail? How did it fail? It can't have failed, it was working this morning. Well no one ever told me it was going to fail! If I knew it was going to fail, I would have made backups."

So I'm telling you ... right here, right now ... it's going to fail. Failure is absolutely guaranteed. When you bought it, it came with a promise from the maker, "this will work for a while, and then it will fail." The only question is when.

Hard drives are like the tires on a car. They wear out. You expect them to wear out. Their manufacturers publish specification on when they expect them to wear out. So knowing that it is certain they will wear out, you should have a plan. With tires, you carry a spare. With hard drives, you should make backups.

You have no excuse. Most computers these days have CD burners. So make a backup. Hell! At 30 cents each for blank CD-R media, make 5 backups.

Don't buy cheap, generic CD-R media unless you want to pull it off the shelf in 18 months and find out it doesn't work. Buy a name brand. It doesn't matter which one, Sony, Imation, Memorex, whatever, so long as it's a brand you recognize. Staples brand and CompUSA brand don't count.

Why am I ranting about hard drive failure?

The primary data hard drive for my company server failed yesterday. Gone. Dead. Totaled. It was less than a year old. And it went from functioning perfectly to 100% failure in the space of a few hours. There was a little blip of an error in a log file. And then it died.

All the data on it is gone. Client files. Company files. Logos. Letters. Presentations. Financial Data. Accounting Data. Every script I've ever written for my comedy act. Every digital photo I've ever taken. All gone.

No problem.

I popped in my backup, which updates automatically every day at 4 AM, and voila!

100% data restoration in a few hours. And that's 130 Gigabytes of data we're talking!

As we put more and more of our lives on our computers, backups become more and more important.

So it's your choice. If you make backups, when your drive fails (note the 'when' not 'if'), it will be a minor hassle and perhaps a minor expense. Or you can put it off. And when your drive fails, it will be a disaster that costs thousands of dollars or worse ... you could lose the novel you've been writing for the last three years and all the photos of your loved ones.

Algebra Tells All

Recently I was hanging out with Kelli, Brian and Bevin.

I'm a big fan of Bevin's. Any lesbo babe who seeks refuge from bad lesbian poetry by whipping out a Game Boy is awesome in my book.

We were really bored at this spoken word event, so Brian was telling me about his theory that urine smell and crazy are directly proportional and illustrated this with an equation.

I like this idea of describing everyday phenomena using math and was inspired to create this.

PROBABILITY THAT DALE WILL LEAVE THE HOUSE

P = Probability I'll leave the house.
Mb = The number of Megabytes of Unwatched Programs on my Tivo
JO = The number of times I've jerked off in the last 48 hours

That is to say, the probability I'll leave the house equals ten over the number of Megabytes of Unwatched Programs On My TiVo to the power of the Number of Times I've Jacked Off in the last 48 hours.

So, for example, if I've jerked off 3 times and have 80 Megs of programs to watch, the chance of me leaving the house is only 10/80^3 = 0.16%.

If I've only jerked off once and have only 20 Megs of programs to watch, it goes up to 10/20^1 = 50%.

But remember, that any number raised to the power of zero, is one. So if I haven't jerked off at all, it doesn't matter how full my TiVo is, the probability I'll leave the house is 1,000%.

So you see? High school algebra was useful in daily life after all.

Warrior Vixens in Leather

I've been writing this weekend. And when I need a break I've been watching a movie.

Hollywood loves hybrid movies ... the Action-Adventure and the Romantic-Comedy.

And then there's my favorite hybrid ... the Action-Melodrama-Comedy-Gay Soft Porno.

One of my first favorites of this genre was Beastmaster.

Oh, Marc Singer. You sultry stud, you. I was 13 years old when this film was released in 1982. And I can't tell you how many nights I ... uh ... nevermind. You don't want to know.



Then came Gladiator.

Sweat, leather, muscle and terrible, terrible acting ...

what's not to love?



And now there's Troy ...

2 hours and 42 minutes of glorious man candy and magnificently bad dialog.

Oh he tries to hide it. But I know Brad's never gotten over me.

It's OK, Brad. Life goes on. I give you my blessing to fuck Angelina Jolie on one condition ... that the two of you make beautiful gay boys.

If you get started now, they'll be old enough to keep me company when I'm collecting what's left of my Social Security benefits.






At any moment in the film, I keep expecting Orlando Bloom to burst out with "They're taking the Hobbits to Isengard!"

There, there. Don't worry your pretty little head. I know you're trying. It's OK. I know. Acting is hard. So very, very hard.











And then there's Eric Bana. This man should be prohibited by law from ever wearing clothes.





"All my life I've lived by a code,
and the code is simple.
Honor the Gods.
Love Thy woman.
And defend Thy country."

Who writes this crap?

And please, please, please let them never stop.

Two Mariposas to go, please.

This new store is at the entrance of Crossroads Mall, Salt Lake City, Utah, where I used to hang out as a kid. Mariposa means butterfly in Spanish. I wonder if they know it's also slang for faggot.

I will eat your soul!

Because cell phone cameras don't have flash I struck upon the idea of using a candle as a light source. This photo of me as some weird, possessed, demon spawn was the result.

Me! Me! Me! Look at Me!

Is there anything more self indulgent than a blog? The idea that one's passing thoughts and momentary passions are so important they should be documented and published with the expectation that the world waits with baited breath to read them, is beyond hubris.

It's arrogant. It's egotistical. It's all I've ever wanted.

I've hesitated doing this for some time, because I've known there's only one person in the world absolutely guaranteed to read this.

Hi, Mom.

But then, it's lovely to know that I've got a Mom who's interested in what I have to say ... no matter how banal. That's the great thing about Moms. They find one's thoughts and activities interesting when no else will.

Why blog?

1. It's a writing exercise. An author and creative mentor of mine, Jim Mendrinos, is adamant that writers should write, even if only a little, every day. Since I may not be inspired to be funny every day, this is something else I can write. Although I'm certain I won't do this every day, it will move me a little closer to that goal.
2. This will be a creative journal. I plan to use this to document things I learn about comedy and performing, for my own benefit, if no one else's.
3. This will also, no doubt, end up being an outlet for various rants that are so inane, that my friends will not sit still for them. So I'll dump them here. You're welcome.

My inspirations for this ridiculous endeavor are two comics, friends of mine, artists who I greatly admire, Kelli Dunham and Adam Sank. I find their blogs to be witty and insightful.

The title for this blog, "Obnoxious & Inappropriate," came to me years ago, in the wee hours of the morning, while out drinking with my dear friend Paola. I wrote it down and thought it would make a good title for my memoirs. Since I don't seem to have written those yet, I'm using it here. I've always thought it captures the delicate essence of my personality and subtle nuances of the almost imperceptible effects I have on people and environments around me.

"Obnoxious & Inappropriate" ... it's how I hope to one day be remembered.