Picture yourself in a boat on a river...

As my trip draws to a close I am content and happy. Gallery Borghese and David are the perfect bookend memories for my trip. I'm so full of joy I can hardly bear it.

The art and beauty I've experienced overwhelmed me again and again, but in the best possible way. Each time I'd stretch to take it all in, my world became a larger place for my experiences. This is why we travel. As we learn more of the world and its peoples we learn more about ourselves and we grow.

Ciao, Italy. Grazie.

Hot Sculpture on Sculpture Action

There are a striking number of man on man sculptures in Florence with a strong domination theme. I gotta say, it's pretty hot.












Art historians wonder if the man on the bottom of this Michelangelo sculpture is a self-portrait of the artist.



Hmmmm ... let's see ... a guy with a beard with a hot young man on top of him.
Yeah, my money says that's Michelangelo.

David Mania, Delicious and Disasterous

There so much more to be said about David. But I wanted to separate the sincere from the sarcastic. Ready for a huge helping of tragic and tacky? Here we go....

There is entertainment to be had while viewing the David. The slightly uncomfortable looks on the American frat boys' faces betray their delicious inner turmoil. "Dude, I'm being told to look at a naked man as an object of beauty. I don't know how to cope with this."

It seems other people are curious about the model as well. Here's a fascinating bit of visual speculation about David.

The whole city of Florence is in the grip of David Mania. Now, when I say the whole city, really I mean tourists and the vendors who sell them crap. I'm sure the locals wouldn't touch this stuff any more than I would.

Some of it is done with a certain charm and affection. David Reloaded by Maria Paola Pozzoli offers many reinterpretations of David.

CARTIER DAVID


DISCO DAVIDS


DEVIL AND ANGEL DAVIDS


GAY PRIDE DAVID


and my favorite ...

ROCKY HORROR DAVID


Remember Mel Brooks' merchandising pitch? "Spaceballs the T-Shirt, Spaceballs the Coloring Book, Spaceballs the Lunchbox, Spaceballs: the Breakfast Cereal and Spaceballs: the Flame Thrower"

It seems the world's most famous set of cock and balls needed this treatment. And since the official museum gift shop is not inclined to serve this crass market, Florence street vendors offer David's not-so privates on everything.

DAVID'S JUNK THE APRON


DAVID'S JUNK THE POSTCARD


DAVID'S JUNK THE PUZZLE


DAVID'S JUNK THE POSTCARD WITH SUNGLASSES


There's really no end to it. It's pretty horrifying but I have to admit there's a little part of me that likes it. Florence may well be the only city in the world where man parts are proudly displayed on every street corner. That's awesome.

Best Landmark Ever

When traveling I always try to spot something that helps me find my home.



This sculpture of a woman(?) holding her nose wins, hands down.

Putt, Putt, Zoom, Zoom Through The Countryside

I've done paintings, sculpture, architecture, food, tours, sightseeing and nightlife! It’s my last day in Italy. What’s left?

ROAD TRIP!

My travel buddy and I grabbed a matching pair of the iconic Italian scooter, the Vespa, for a magical journey through the Chianti region of Tuscany. Of course, it’s not that simple. I had to get an International Driver’s License in the U.S. before I left and the rental itself took an hour. Italians don’t hurry. But finally I got my sleek, black, little cutie and off we went.



I’ve had a motorcycle license for some twenty years now. But a scooter is a different creature and I haven’t biked in a couple years. So I was rusty and busy watching moving targets. In the first five minutes I took two wrong turns, got separated from my friend, got lost, had to back track and drove the wrong way up a one-way street.

Strong work.

Things improved one we got out of the bustle of Florence. Within a few hours all the old muscle memories had returned, along with a feel for the road and a sense of mastery of the vehicle.

On our way out of town we stopped at Michelangelo Plaza which offers views of all of Florence.











The David here was created by the artist himself. Yet it is a pale copy. I was aware immediately of it's many differences and shortcomings. After my time with the original, I feel I know David ... like a lover. Still, there is a fondness for even a copy ... like a photograph of family, hardly a replacement, yet a comfort nonetheless.

---

The cool breezes and warm sun of the Tuscan countryside enticed me to lay my skin bare to feel closer to the lavish world around me.











I plucked an unripe grape and squeezed it between my teeth, slowly releasing the powerful flavor. It was sharp and very strong, like concentrated lime juice, yet enjoyable in very small amounts.

We didn’t have time to visit all the vineyards ourselves. Which is OK because boozing and piloting a two-wheel vehicle are only a good combination if you’re keen on cranial intrusions and facial reconstruction surgery.

So we went to Le Cantine, a do-it-yourself wine and cheese tasting room. Machines dispense tastes of wine, cheese, meats and olive oil in an elegant yet low-key environment. You buy a Wine Card and then run amok.



Chianti Classico Riserva is one of my favorite wines. So I decided to sample a survey of 100% Sangiovese wines and record my impressions. My survey was neither scientific nor expert, but it was fun.



After lunch and a break to metabolize the wine, we headed to the tiny town of Castellina.



We were told they have the best Gelato in Italy.



They did. Click to check out this babe’s awesome eye makeup.



42 kilometers from Florence to Castellina for ice cream ... absolutely worth it.

Back to Florence we went.



Our tour was planned for us by the hardcore biker at the rental shop. Picture a guy with a beard, muscles, leather jacket and some serious tattoos giving directions on where to get the best ice cream, wine and cheese. Memo from Italy to American men: masculinity and culture are not mutually exclusive.

There’s just one more thing....



"Hands on the wheel, sir. I’m going to need to see your license and registration."

What's more slutty than an American Apparel Ad?

Why, a European American Apparel ad, of course.

The View from Ponte Vecchio

The Perfect Form

I saw the David today. Again, photography is both prohibited and superfluous, he must be experienced.

I deliberately chose to view David last in the small museum where he lives. As I entered the long hall I delayed looking at him for a few moments, to clear my mind and breath in the anticipation of what I knew would be a moment to remember for all of my days. I wanted to savor the experience and to take this mental image as the last of my trip.

There and so many details you don't see in pictures of David ... the veins in his arms and hands, the squiggly little tufts of hair in his sideburns, the way the sling wraps all the way around his body, the stone concealed in his hand, the perfect lines and curves in his muscles, his foreskin, his eyebrows, his elegant fingers, his cute little navel and his pensive, faraway gaze.



(This photo is from Wikipedia.)

A fit male body is a thing of beauty. And I don't think Michelangelo was as much a fan of biblical myth as he was a connoisseur of the male form. David is exquisite.

I wonder if the model was a real man, one whom Michelangelo admired, loved or perhaps even worshiped. Or maybe David represents an ideal, the artist taking the best features of many men to create the perfect man. One thing is clear from his years of labor and the pinnacle of art David represents, this was a work of devotion. Michelangelo adored David. It reminds me what love feels like.

Sleepy Muffins at the Galleria degli Uffizi

Buon Giorno, Florence

The Wages of Poi

Spinning poi in Italy has profited me two things ...



... a blister on my left middle finger and 10 Euro cents as a tip from a young man who called me a "Superstar".

Ciao, Venice! Arrivederci, Venice!

Our day and a night and a day whirlwind tour of Venice started with our studly taxi-boat driver taking us up the Grand Canal.



Who's a big lug? You are! Yes, you are!



These holiday snaps don't really capture the experience.

VENICE SELF PORTRAIT


This was the view from the roof deck of our B&B.



Venice offers absurdly quaint streets full of absurdly hot men, like the rest of Italy.



The streets are also full of lost tourists peering at maps.



San Marco Square is every bit as picturesque as the movies promise. For me the movie is Moonraker. I know it's nerdy and kitsch and Roger Moore is not among our more beloved Bond actors. I don't care. Drax was an awesome villain and the 007 gondola/hovercraft chase rocked!



Sadly this place is positively overrun. I'm told lovely photos and a little peace may be had at dawn. I wasn't motivated enough to make it then. Really, it's worse than Times Square. We could only take it for about twenty minutes before we had to flee.



I got an unexpected nerd fix late at night. This street bar has joysticks permanently built into the wood bar. They're connected to a game console with graphics so old I didn't recognize them. Drunk boys playing Street Fighter, bashing and slashing each other with virtual sticks and swords, are pretty amusing.



Overall I had a lovely time. I was a bit tired the first day from an early train, and overwhelmingly frustrated the second day when the crappy tourist map absolutely every news stand sells got me hopelessly and repeatedly lost for over two hours. I felt like I was in a really beautiful version of the Blair Witch Project. "Dear God, no! I've seen this lovely fountain before!" (If you go, be sure to get a Streetwise brand map before you leave.)

But I'm so grateful to have been. Mostly I just walked around and soaked it in. Venice defies visual documentation. It simply must be experienced.